If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore the existence of apostrophes and capital letters and types things like "im an eagle and im typing with my talons, so dont make fun of me cuz this is hard," I like to imagine that they actually are an eagle typing with their talons. It would be a hassle if you had to hop in the air and use your feet to karate-chop two keys simultaneously every time you wanted to use the shift key to make a capital letter. Also, eagles lack manual dexterity, so I can understand why they'd want to leave out apostrophes. Eagles are all about efficiency.
But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering. It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase "a lot" and condense it down into one word, because when someone says "alot," this is what I imagine:
The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.
For example, when I read the sentence "I care about this alot," this is what I imagine:
Similarly, when someone says "alot of _______", I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.
If someone says something like "I feel lonely alot" or "I'm angry alot," I'm going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.
The Alot is incredibly versatile.
So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting about how he is "alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps," instead of getting angry, you can be like "You're right! Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities."
You should make one up for "your" as well. I fucking hate when people don't know the difference between "you're" and "your"!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to buy a t-shirt with ALOT on it! x
ReplyDeleteMy dad just told me, "your opinion matters alot." You know what this means? ALOT! Double dose of cool, dad. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully considered. Thank-you for this.I can't help but notice, though, that the eagle is using a keyboard where the exclamation point is NOT a shift-1. Must be a special-order item, or a factory second.
ReplyDeleteI am appeased at an attempt to alter the alt "a lot/alot" allotment lot... a lot. Also, the Alot is awesome (allow an appositive apology to assuage any anger from my asinine assonance.)
ReplyDeleteTell me, is the Alot a sibling of Awhile. If this is true, then their parents are general and consensus and they belong to the same difference family tree. Of course, my comment only has merit if it's peppered with hyphens plonked down in inappropriate places. Sadly, it would appear I've failed. ;)
ReplyDeleteI want an alot tee shirt...and a notebook. Maybe a totebag. You should, if you haven't already, put these cuties on cafepress so we can all love alot!Rebeccahttp://rebeccatlittle.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteA few of my pet peeves are:- for all intensive purposes (instead of for all intents and purposes)- irregardless (regardless already means without regard...hence the 'less')- butt naked (the correct word is "buck")- Could care less (when people clearly mean that they could NOT care less)
ReplyDeleteSeriously hilarious. I also pictured LUGO from Labyrinth for the voice of Alot.
ReplyDeleteI love Alots alot!any plans for making stuffed toys? :)
ReplyDeleteI imagined "Charging Alot" using a creidt card.
ReplyDeleteOne grammar Nazi to another, I just wanted to point out the following:If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore the existence of apostrophes and capital letters and types things like "im an eagle and im typing with my talons, so dont make fun of me cuz this is hard," I like to imagine that HE actually IS an eagle typing with HIS talons.Just sayin'. Because you chose to use the singular "someone," all referring pronouns should also be singular.I can't help myself!I love the Alot.
ReplyDeleteI laughed so hard I cried... alot.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I think I just had an out of body experience laughing at this. I love finding people who are grammar sticklers. I'm a grammar stickler. I'm even a member of the Apostrophe Preservation Society (no joke!). I was heartily amused until I got to "Alot of Beer." Then I lost my mind.Thanks, Alot!
ReplyDeleteThere are a few things I really can't stand. One is when people leave out apostrophes. Another is when they put them where they don't belong. I've seen this used not only for plurals, but also for "your"; e.g., "you're drawings are good". It's like they're trying to be better at grammar, and they end up overcorrecting themselves.And then there's one that I've pretty much only seen off-line; the use of quotes where they don't belong. Such as, Please call us for any questions or comments regarding our services. "We value your input". They don't seem to realize that quotes used for anything but dialogue or quoting usually signify mocking of the quoted phrase.P.S. I'm using British-sytle punctuation for clarity, even though I otherwise prefer my own variety of English (Californian).
ReplyDeleteYou inspired me to draw more and to use stupid mispronunciations that annoy me as inspiration for those stupid drawings.Here is one of the Uzz. A friend of mine says Uzz instead of us and it shits me. So I drew this for him and it reminded me of your Alot so here ya go: http://www.rocketdogbulldozer.com/?p=1013I don't think my drawings are very good, but I do use pencils instead of MS Paint. Lol.Ok bye.Dan
ReplyDeleteLOL, for the win.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you Allie, you have inspired me to condense "a lot" into "alot" be the Alot is so damn awesome!P.S. I absofuckinglutely love your work, this is the only blog I have ever and will ever read.
ReplyDeleteSo a friend of mine pointed out, in response to me linking her to this post, the following: http://www.zazzle.com/my_daddy_knows_alot_but_my_mommy_knows_al_tshirt-235764...I submit that the alot is bisexual and rather inclined towards the ladies. Also, I've been laughing my butt off at this post for the last week. Thank you. I really needed the giggle involved.
ReplyDeleteSomeone should show this blog to the people in charge of this:http://home.alot.com/:]
ReplyDeleteI've always known the difference between "a lot" and "alot" and I know one is right and one is wrong but I can't EVER REMEMBER which one is which until spell check is like RED DOTTED UNDERLINE OF DEATH and then I remember.But now I don't need spell check! I remember your post. You have made me a better person.
ReplyDeleteLOVE it!! I don't remember how I found you, but I'll be back alot. :D
ReplyDeleteI just read this: "I grew up listening to alot of weird underground punk."The image was fantastic.
ReplyDeletemy friends call me Alot.....
ReplyDeleteSo that's why spell check always corrects me! huh.. see learned something new. thanks!
ReplyDelete