This comic was inspired by an experience I had a few night ago. I was pulling into the parking lot of Safeway when I saw one of those gratuitously bright shooting stars. I tried to think of a really good wish, but the shooting star had surprised me and I didn't really have any good wishes on deck, so I wished for the first semi-intelligible thing that came to mind: for the rest of my life to be totally awesome.
As soon as that ham-fisted jumble of words left my mouth, I immediately started thinking of all the ways my wish could backfire and how the phrase "I wish that the rest of my life is totally awesome" could be misinterpreted and taken out of context and turned around to cause me great misery. I silently berated myself for not choosing my words more carefully. I could have used this opportunity to secure a bright and wonderful future for myself, but no, I was stupid and just blurted out the first dumb thing to barge into my head and I'd wasted my wish and possibly also earned myself an untimely death or a crippling brain injury.
Then I realized that I was sitting in a Safeway parking lot, consumed by anxiety over whether some fictional being that grants wishes was going to screw me out of my wish through a technical loophole involving death, brain damage or prolonged unconsciousness.
It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life.
Anyway, I'm sometimes reluctant to post short comics, but I should probably get over that because I love to draw them and it gives you guys something to read while I'm working on the longer comics. Oh, and you may have noticed that I changed my banner, sidebar and buttons. At first I just wanted to mess with the post column width so that three-panel comics like this one would fit, but I got carried away.
A young man, shipwrecked on a small, deserted island, found an old oil lamp sticking out of the sand. He picked it up, and looked at it, thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Genie in here?" He knew that Genies did not exist, but figured he had nothing to lose, so he dutifully polished the lamp.To his amazement, an enormous Genie emerged from the lamp in a cloud of smoke. The Genie announced, "Thank you for freeing me from the lamp. In accord with the customs and principles of my profession, you are entitled to precisely three wishes. Wishes will be granted in accord with the laws of the State of California, and any claims, disputes, or disagreements relating to the wishes shall be resolved by binding arbitration applying California laws.""That's weird," said the man, "I never thought a Genie would sound so much like a lawyer.""But I am a lawyer," replied the Genie, "I am both a lawyer and a Genie. You should be aware that, for every wish you make, I will not only grant your wish but will grant every attorney in the world double what you wish for."The man didn't care much for attorneys, and he wasn't sure what to make of the Genie, but what was the worst that could happen? He decided to take the Genie's offer, and make his wishes."I wish for fifty million dollars," he said. As money poured down around him, the Genie reminded him that every attorney in the world had just received one hundred million dollars."My second wish is for a luxurious mansion, more stunning than Versailles, fully staffed and furnished with fine antiques." The ground rumbled, and a mansion slowly rose from the earth. It was astonishingly beautiful. A butler approached him with a tray of fine food. He ate hungrily, thinking, "It really can't get any better than this."But then the Genie reminded him, "Every attorney in the world just received a mansion twice as nice as this one."The man thought carefully about his last wish. He appreciated what the Genie had done for him, but it burned him to think that the attorney who had botched his divorce case had fared even better. And there was the attorney who had stolen from his mother's estate. And wasn't the President an attorney? The man shuddered, realizing what people like that could do with this kind of wealth and the power it could bring. And it was then that he made his final wish."I really want to give something back to society," the man said. "I wish to donate one of my kidneys for transplant."
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the Internet Fandom you have craved for. As your Mentor, I am pleased to see that in my absence my advice has raised you to the lower pinnacles of the Blogosphere. Like a polished turd sparkling in a sewage tank, your blog has been noticed. One other piece of advice, as I am here to help is perhaps it would be better to learn to write descriptive prose, rather than depend on crude pictures obviously drawn by a blind 5 year-old with access to MS Paint.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Allieijusthadtodoit.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletePost more comics! Short comics by Allie rock! They might even roll too, but a full assessment is still pending...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid I planned out exactly what my three wishes would be if I ever had three wishes. 1. I would always have as much money as I needed. 2. I would always be in perfect health. 3. I wouldn't remember making these wishes. I reasoned that if I lived my life knowing I had used magic to obtain something, I'd always wonder if I shouldn't have wished another way. And if I knew I would always have money and always be healthy, life would be kinda boring. So, in case you couldn't tell, I've thought WAY too hard about this. You're not alone.
ReplyDeleteNo need to worry. You just avoided the idea of your wish coming true by telling us what you wished for. Crisis filled technicalities averted :)
ReplyDeleteI would like to think I'm super creepy, but I have ZERO capabilities.But I totally relate (almost spelled retaliate) (which would be weird)Everynight when I wish for things because I can't pray I have to put a white light aroung EVERYTHING in case the fucking wish genie thinks he can make me rich by killing everyone around me which is NOT what I mean to happen.At all.If there are typos it is all their fault.
ReplyDeleteI wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
ReplyDeleteI wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
ReplyDeleteI wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
ReplyDeleteI wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
ReplyDeleteI wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
ReplyDeleteI wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading every single post you've posted and so I thought I'd commemorate with a comment (never commented before). I love you and your blog of course. I know you hear that a lot and I know you don't tire of it. Just wondering if you realized you eliminated the dates for all your posts? Slightly annoying. Though maybe you're doing it on purpose because you don't want us to know if you write inconsistently? It's okay... we all do it!Love,Carley.
ReplyDeleteI want to see another one allie...more funny please!
ReplyDeleteWhere are you, young lady? I would like to giggle riotously, if such a combination of laughing style and forcefulness exists!
ReplyDeleteTHAT is exactly why I gave up on wishes, Except that in my version, the magic genie/star/norse god was just incompetant, sorta like that cartoon
ReplyDeleteI do this too! Also, instead of a wish for myself (to kiss the ass of the shooting-start wish genie), I wish that the star/wish genie has a great night.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting this. I just recently started college and have encountered pretty much all of these horrible situations. I've felt so desperate, awkward and uncomfortable, and your post really brings a tear to my eye.... A tear of joy and commiseration. So thank you, yet again, for brightening up an otherwise dismal night.
ReplyDeletehaha this is my thought process after I smoke too much wee....nevermind.
ReplyDeleteI got obsessed with doing this as a teenager. I had huge anxiety over it!
ReplyDeleteXD...as my wife would say I'm totally social inappropriate anyway. I have no issue just walking away from a conversation that I no longer want any part of. The only time I have an issue is when I'm not allowed to be myself (anytime I'm with my wife's friends or family). Then I have to worry about embarrassing here...*sigh* the trials of marriage.
ReplyDelete