I never intend for things to get this way. I ignore something for one day, and pretty soon it's eighteen days later and I still haven't done it. Then my responsibilities become wrapped up in so much guilt and helplessness that I have to ignore them because I'd rather feel good about myself.
I just keep pretending that I don't have anything to do until the amount of stuff I have to do becomes so massive that it ruptures my pathetic psychological defense system like a water balloon and all my responsibilities explode out at me at eight thousand miles per hour and hit me in the face and then I'm lying on the ground flailing dramatically and that's not making it any better so I drink more coffee, but no, it still doesn't work, and it makes me have to pee and that reminds me that I don't have any toilet paper and somehow that seems like an impossible problem to remedy so I just lie on the floor, helpless and uncomfortable, wondering how this happened to my life.
Anyway, I kind of forgot where I was going with this. I think mostly I wanted to draw dramatic pictures of myself being stabbed and beaten down by my responsibilities and I didn't really think of how I was going to make it into a coherent blog post.
I am sorry for this post. I'm going to publish it anyway because I'm feeling irrational. UPDATE: Now I thought of an ending!
UPDATE: I was reading over this again and I remembered that I'm unemployed and I don't really have any responsibilities except maybe a few things like writing emails and feeding my pets. Then I felt bad because I'm sitting here in a life-altering panic over a very basic task that most normal people accomplish while drinking their coffee in the morning - before heading off to their real jobs where they have real responsibilities.
UPDATE: Now I made an award for the procrastinators too. I wasn't trying to be ironic by posting it four hours after everything else, but I guess it kind of worked out that way:
UPDATE: I was reading over this again and I remembered that I'm unemployed and I don't really have any responsibilities except maybe a few things like writing emails and feeding my pets. Then I felt bad because I'm sitting here in a life-altering panic over a very basic task that most normal people accomplish while drinking their coffee in the morning - before heading off to their real jobs where they have real responsibilities.
This is a perfect example of why I would crumple up and die in the workforce. Anyway, I made an award for everyone who manages to work and email and take care of kids and not kill their plants:
UPDATE: Now I made an award for the procrastinators too. I wasn't trying to be ironic by posting it four hours after everything else, but I guess it kind of worked out that way:
Tara-dactyl says: When will the vicious cycle end???!!!The worst is that because I'm so used to freaking the hell out over so much to do, I get ancy when I'm NOT busy, as if there's something wrong with the universe.That's some deep pyschological shit yo.
ReplyDeleteOhhhh can I borrow it and use it and link you up? So cool, the procrastinator one,, cause that is me.
ReplyDeletehey. long time reader, comment virgin.just wanted to say... I feel your pain. I'm self-employed, I work from home. so I battle the procrastination monster everyday. I only get work done when I'm in so much over my head that I think that I will never be able to do it all. then I do it, somehow, and I feel like a superhero.case in point: wednesday morning, 11:45 AM, I have a shitload of work to do... what am I doing? reading your blog. and commenting.sigh.love the blog. keep making me laugh and not work, please.
ReplyDeleteInsert a bottle of wine somewhere in the left-hand side of the first procrastination diagram. Why? Because wine makes everything you have to do very fuzzy at worst and completely disappear at best.
ReplyDeleteI'm a procrastinator for sure. I home school because I basically flunked out of real school for not turning my assignments in on time. Now that I home school I don't have deadlines but I've been writing an analytical essay for almost two months which I'm pretty sure is a bad sign. Not to mention my guitar teacher is going to murder me and hide my body in a guitar case because I've been "procrastinating" over the same piece of music for almost 3 weeks and I still can't play it. Also? My French book is lost so that's out the window as well.
ReplyDelete"Procrastination is the thief of time", so says Mr. Edward Young - but, I confess that I too am somewhat of a I'll-do-it-tomorrow-er. The Blogosphere is to blame! I get home and say, right, better get some work done and then its...Oohh...Allie's updated the blog!and my work ethic fizzles into nothingness. Ah well..., I'd much rather lol and read this anyway :D
ReplyDeleteI wish my emails were all from my pets and inanimate furniture. Also, you're not really on fire. I checked.
ReplyDeleteMost days I think I can lay claim to the "responsibility champion" award because I do, indeed, get shit done. But today? Not so much. Case in point? I'm reading your blog at work. But according to your bomb-proof logic, I'm now a bit less likely to become a psycho killer. Win-win.
ReplyDeleteThose two awards are better than stupid golden statue awards things that they give people in Hollywood.
ReplyDeleteJust remember....WWSND!What Would Spaghatta Nadle Do!And then everything would be allllllright.Just 3 days til the next SN...can't wait!I'm gonna have a surprise for you on Monday...if I don't put it off for ANOTHER week!
ReplyDeleteI wish my plants would email me, they might live a little longer if they did.Definitely put the I get shit done graphic on a shirt!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I totally deserve both of these awards. I took them both and put them in a folder specifically for the purpose of me posting them later when I get to it with high urgency! Like yours, my urgency runs in cycles.
ReplyDeleteI put things off as long as possible- like, once I opened a bottle of wine and cut my hand open, but I was too lazy to get up off the couch, so I just pressed my hand against one of the couch cushions until it stopped.
ReplyDeletethis is the story of my life. amazing.
ReplyDeleteAck, it's even worse when you do have job-like things to do, yet still procrastinate. Buh.These pictures describe my Idontwannadonutheeng cycle sooo well. Glad I'm not alone in my procrastination. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, if I weren't a totally broke college student, I would buy one shirt for each of the awards at the bottom, depending on how I feel that day.Maybe if you get those made into shirts, and I stop procrastinating on college work so I can stop procrastinating on getting a job so I won't be broke, you would be closer to your goal of being able to procrastinate for longer because I would buy your shirts, and then we would both be happy. Unless I procrastinated on getting dressed and wearing one of the shirts. Then I would just be how I am now. But you would still be happy.Yeah... Anyways... Keep blogging; you're well on your way to champion of the internet status. (Which, by the way, apparently the Internet has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, so if you become the champion of the internet, then by extension, you will have won the Nobel Peace Prize.)
ReplyDeleteHi, Allie.I've never left a comment before, but I just wanted to say that I finally have a VISUAL representation of why exactly it is so hard for me to do ANYTHING EVER.Thank you so much for this post, I feel like I'm not alone. At least I've got other crazies in here with me. Like your commenters. <3This site makes me feel less bad about NOT being a totally functional normal adult who ISN'T afraid of orcs and dead bodies in the hall outside my front door.
ReplyDeleteWhat about those of us who kill our plants? Don't we get a reward?
ReplyDeleteI do real things at a real job and I still feel this way. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to procrastination I'm the master, I actually designed procrastination101 in my college
ReplyDeletei stole your sticker because i, too, am a terrible terrible procrastinator and at least now i have something to console myself w/ when i feel myself sinking under the unfinished responsibilitieshm. wait. wouldn't the moments of freakout make me more likely to snap and become a serial killer? :/
ReplyDeleteI totally want a button that says "yes! This is my life exactly!" It's so true! Well, except for that gender and age thing.
ReplyDeletehahahaha that chart is totally a diagram of my life!!!
ReplyDeleteI've been sitting here laughing in a creepy cackle for the past 2 hours at your blog. Even pulled my mother and father in to mumbled as quickly as possible your stories...I have an accounting test tomorrow :)PROCRASTINATORS UNITE! :)(I need to study. I'll be cool and achieve if I study. I'll play ONE game of peggle. I'll win ONE game of peggle. I should do work. I need tea. Ohhh I should update my blog. Lets look how other people get cool blogs. google top blogs. find your blog. sit for 2 hours laughing. have supper and decide to study. Get back to your blog and feel happy :))
ReplyDeleteI was asking Myself: "Does she anwser comment?" I tought no. ANd then, I ask myself, full of good intention and hope (mostfully hope):" Does she even READ the comment?"... I I resigned after seeing this, admit that surelly not. At least, not before one or two apocalysian rush of coffee. But its okay. I'm way jealous of you, now that you can even live from this blog. ...Adopt me, please.
ReplyDelete